Deece Defined

...by the food network. Have you ever thought about it? Who, on the Food Network, are you most like? Who would your friends be?

My Food Network network would consist of Alton Brown (as seen on Feasting on Asphalt), Rachel Ray (as seen on Rachel Ray's Tasty Travels), and Guy Fieri.

I've given up on not caring for Rachel Ray. She is one of the most real people out there on TV. She is OK with not being super girly, she doesn't seem to have issues that she's not rail thin - she's average, and that's OK. Granted, for our friendship to work I'd have to ask her to refrain from using the words "sammies" and "delish" in my presence, but other than that, I think we'd have blast at outdoor markets and in loud crowded restaurants.

Alton Brown can be quite dorky on Good Eats. But you know what? It's a good, clean show. And why shouldn't he comfortable in his dorkiness? But have you seen Feasting on Asphalt? He eats the same greasy diner food that I enjoy. He even eats gas station food. I'd like to introduce him to Saipan Gas Station Hamburgers. Now that's, doo doo be doo be doo doo bu bu, good eats.

Guy Fieri is just regular guy. I feel like we could have been friends since childhood.

The way I feel about the rest of the Food Network cast might give you some insight into how you and I might fare as friends.

Sandra Lee and her semi-homemade pretentiousness. Have you seen a more image concious person in all your life?

Ingrid Hoffman - with a name like Ingrid Hoffman, I wouldn't guess that her show would be called Simply Delicioso. I am not impressed by her accent or her wavy hair.

Giada DeLaurentis - it's clear that you come from money. And I don't.

Duff (and his crew) - I'd like to hang out at your shop from time to time. Maybe help decorate a cake or two.

Paula Deen - I like you, but I would like you more if you didn't start Paula's Party. It's just too, I don't know, nutty.

Emeril - Would you and the missus would like to have dinner with me and James sometime? We could go to and old blues house.

Cat Cora - I don't know, I just, you...you're not my type. Sorry.

Ellie Kreger - Seems nice. But I think she'd freak out at the amount of syrup I pour over one pancake. And I don't need that kind of guilt staring at me.

Ina Garten - She seems to like to drink - but she only seems to drink fooffy drinks. Way to upper class for me. I can't even pretend to be the type of person she is.

Bobby Flay - He's one of those people that have helped form my view of east coasters. I can't be friends with people who can't be nice. Sure, I can be a jerk, but I don't start off that way. And judging by the way he throws punches in the opening sequence of Throwdown, if we ever had to step outside - I'd win.

~~~

I have all these ideas for my other blog, but no time to get them done. In case anyone cares...I will get to working on that blog in the near future. I only just got back to this one (perhaps more on that later).

Wednesday What Is It?

What is it?

Here's how to play.

Pork, Vegetables, and BBQ Sauce

If you're on Saipan and you want a pulled pork sandwich but can't spend the day bbq-in' or you don't want Tony Roma's pulled pork, you can try Deece's Psudo Pulled Pork - "Hey, it's ok!"

Get yourself a chunk of frozen pork butt - I usually get mine from H-mart or Joeten Susupe. Cut it into big cubes, maybe 2 inch cubes. Throw 'em into the crock pot along with some salt, pepper, garlic, and onions. You might need to add some water too. Let it cook until it's super tender, so when you stick a fork it a chunk it just falls apart. When it's done I transfer it into a big serving bowl, juices and all (to keep the pieces moist). Then I just pull out a chunk or two, pull 'em apart with a fork, load the pork onto a piece of white bread (yeah, I suppose you could use a hamburger bun, but I'm keepin' it classy) pour some bbq sauce over it, throw another slice of bread on top of that baby and BAM! Deece's Psudo Pulled Pork Sandwich. "It works for me! But maybe that's not saying much"

Wow, what is up with my lame slogan abilities tonight? I'm too hot to handle, too cold to hold! You can't touch this!

~~~

I have found that Katelyn will eat cauliflower if it's dipped in bbq sauce.

I have also found that McDonald's fries, when dipped in mayo and their new Chipotle BBQ Sauce, are quite tasty. Only the soggy ones!

~~~

Let me just lay it out on the table for you:

1. I don't like potatoes (with a few exceptions).
2. I don't like gum.
   
3. Root beer can soothe my aching stomach.
4. I don't like tortilla chips - period.
5. I really want to drink Peet's coffee. Dark, rich Peet's coffee. I just want coffee - what I wouldn't do for some Aqua Resort coffee. But Mr. Brown's would do, Folger's would be great, McDonald's coffee would be a treat, that Maxwell House instant stuff would hit the spot. And don't tell me to drink decaff, because it just isn't the same. If I continue to susu Jacob as long as I susued Katelyn, I won't get any of that good stuff until 2009!
6. Cherry Coke is the drink of the gods.
   
7. I like potato salad, but without the potatoes.
8. The best breakfast in all the world is hash browns and eggs - the way my dad used to make them, crispy hash browns, over easy eggs with salt, pepper, a little garlic powder, and italian seasoning.
9. I prefer my mint in my iced tea, ice cream, and toothpaste.
10. I don't like bell peppers. And no matter how many times my mom says "green eggs and ham", they will forever be bell peppers - bitter and yucky.
11. Rack of lamb is the bomb. And a treat that I usually only get on my birthday or anniversary. (Aqua Resort's Raraina makes it much better than the Hyatt's Giovanni's - while I like the seating better at Giovanni's, I much prefer the food at the Raraina. But L.A. Prime in the Bonaventure in downtown L.A. blows them both away.)
    

Ramon is Big and Tall

Gene Simmon's son...what's his name? Beats me, but the boy is tall. He was looking like some old rocker on TV last night. Like the Ramones. "Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours ago-oh-oh, I want to be sedated, nothin' to do no where to go-oh, I want to be sedated." Kind of like when I was in college and I'd get drunk by myself and clean out my fridge. Where does that boy find clothes? At the Big and Tall Store? He's not very big - he could stand to gain a few pounds. But he is tall - he is humumculously tall. Maybe it should be called the Big and/or Tall Store.

Is Mrs. Mumble Home?

There are only a select group of people who have the absolute right to know where I am at all times. Number one on that list is me - I reserve the right to know where I am at all times. Next, my husband and children. And lastly, my boss - he has the right to know where I am at all times during working hours; Monday through Friday, 8ish to 5ish, except legal holidays, austerity holidays, or when I have otherwise appropriately applied for leave.

That's it. For the rest of my family who may wonder where I am - you've got my cell number. For you other friends, aquaintances, and coworkers - back off. Please. Thank you.

Now that that's off my chest, did I ever mention that Stranger than Fiction is my new favorite movie? I didn't? Well, let me tell you something: Stranger than Fiction is my new favorite movie.

In other movie news, I was kind of bored with Chicken Run. But I very much enjoyed Wallace and Gromit Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

~~~

Guess what everybody, everybody? Turns out I work with one of Ann Margaret's uncles. Yeah. Yeah. My number is 285-abcd and her's is 287-abcd. Since I spoke with her uncle a month or so ago about the 11 o'clock phone calls from whispering teenage boys and the irritating cussing from the teenage girls, the calls for Ann have almost completely ceased. Ah, but now the question arises - is there an active 286-abcd? Because I'm still getting wrong numbers. Only this time, if there's cussing, I won't understand it. My last name might be Revilla, but I don't speak Tagalog.

~~~

My mother is an expert in distracting me from watching the news each evening. She walks around the house taking care of whatever business it is that needs to be taken care of at the moment and as she enters the vacinity of the television she asks me who it is that I am so attentively listening to on the news. And because I do not immediately break my conctration to answer her so pressing question, she asks again. My answer is always the same, "I don't know". I don't know because when the person's name was being said you were asking me who it was. Ai adai. Please, just watch it with me or refrain from asking questions until the sports segment or commercials. You can ask away as we watch Cuki, Jason, and Frank run through the jungle, you can ask me all you want whileDaddy Long Leggz talks through the PTI ads, heck, you are welcome to ask me as the Dial girl fights high prices and credits checks. Just please, can I watch the news? I distinctly remember there was absolutely no talking allowed when dad watched the news.

You know what else my mom is an expert in? Thinking she's Wonder Woman. Can you believe her? She wanted to pick betel nut yesterday (not for her own use) so instead of asking someone to assist her, she went outside and climbed the ladder herself. She fell. Yes, my almost 62-year-old mother climbed up a ladder by herself and fell. And so did the ladder. Thank the Lord that she used her leg to block the ladder from falling on her head. She was laid up on the couch after James took care of her. She has some bad bruises and some scrapes. But no breaks. Thank God again that James used to work in physical therapy and wound care. Maybe this is God's way of telling her to "just relax". Because she never listens to me when I say it.

~~~

The Wednesday What Is It? will resume next Wednesday. I'm sorry about the delay.
5 points to Borego!
2 points each to Mona, Donna, Bruce, Lex, and The Saipan Blogger.
I thought about it and I thought about it (you know I did, I've had three weeks) and because the rules say be specific, I decided to award 3 points to Steve, Bev, and e.tropicini.
Sorry, no points for anonymous contestants.

~~~

I'm not really sure how, but I've lost another 5 pounds. Booya!

Come along on my journey to Skinnyville.

I don't know.

I'm not upset. I'm not aware of the blog wars. But I am sad. My internet connection at home hasn't been working properly for a while. My camera is completely out of commission. I'm sorry I haven't been posting. And I'm sorry I missed the last two WWIIs. I was going to apologize on Wednesday and post a new WWII. But my connection wouldn't let me. It's now Friday and I'm on my lunch break at work.

I've been dying to post on my other blog...you know, my blog about something: Launch Yourself.
But I haven't been able to because I haven't had the time or the internet connection. I have several posts in my head that if I don't get posted in the next few days I fear I will forget them.

And if Bruce has taken up knitting, then I insist we form the first ever Saipan's Knitting Club. For which Bruce will be the president and I will be the Sergent at Arms...wait. We'll get together twice a week to knit, gossip, and drink non-fat soy half-caff lattes. The proceeds of any knit items that are sold will be used to pay for our electrical bills and lattes. All items that do not get sold will be shipped off to Mona and Lex in Warshington.

The results of last last week's WWI:

A remote control!

I'm so sorry to do this, but I don't have time to post the winners and update the leader board. I will post them as soon as I am able to.

Lookie here, Willy!

Dear Mr. Wonka,

I have always enjoyed your candies, particularly "Nerds". My love affair with those sweet and tangy candy nuggets began in the early 80's in California. To this day Nerds remains my favorite non-chocolate candy (although the giant chewy sweet tarts are a close second). However, it has recently come to my attention that the Nerd boxes are much harder to open now than they have ever been.

It is nearly impossible for my husband or me (who are 38 and 25 years of age, respectively, and are both college educated working professionals and rather good with our hands) to open a box of Nerds without ripping it in half. How do you expect a 7 year old who is still understanding his own dexterity and strength to open the box without spilling three-quarters of the candies onto the floor? It makes me wonder, Mr. Wonka, if this is all merely a ploy to sell more impossible-to-open-packages. I tell you, I would buy a whole lot more of these delicious gobs of sugar if only I could open the box!

Respectfully,


/s/Deece

Hello, Saipan Tribune?

Hello, Jon Perez and the Fotogalleria of the Saipan Tribune?

This is Luka.

This is not Luka.

This is Luka.

Luka's shorts have a slit up the outside and they say Borderline accross the back and there's a Koru Gym symbol on the back of the left leg. Notice also how the real Luka's opponent is also wearing white shorts - the not Luka's opponent is in black.

OK? Do we got it?

Don't sell out!

Pride - Nice movie. Neat true story. But I probably won't rent it again.

~~~

Rachel Ray, why did you sell out? Granted, I didn't really care for your show at first, but since I've been watching you everyday for who knows how long I've come to not dislike you. But I feel that you have sold out and I have to reevaluate my non-dislike of your show. I don't like your new set, your new lighting, your new makeup, or the photography style. I feel like you're uncomfortable and you're holding back, but you're trying not to let it show. But I see it, Rachel. I know that you want to let loose, I know you want to stop with the added girlieness. And quite frankly, I wish you would.

~~~

Why I do not teach (at PSS): Because I do not want to.

In 2003, when I returned to Saipan with a college degree and work experience, I was unemployed for about 6 months. I was told that I should be a teacher. PSS was the only agency/department/business on island that reached out to me while I was still in California to ask me to apply. But I knew I did not want to place a whole bunch of other people's kids in my care all day long. Up until I had my own kids, I really didn't even want to babysit for anyone for more than an hour at a time - how in the heck was I supposed to be with kids ALL DAY, MONDAY through FIRDAY?

I didn't want to teach elementary grades because of the previously mentioned reason. I didn't want to teach junior high because I remember what I was like in junior high and while the junior high kids I taught over two summers were awesome, I just would not want to deal with that every day. I didn't want to teach high school kids, because I just didn't want to teach high school kids....again, I remember what I was like in high school.

But adults. I can teach adults - college age or above. Call me crazy because I was usually the youngest one in the classroom, but there was something rewarding about being appreciated right then and there...not two or three years down the road. Besides, I don't think kids 'get me'. Really, how could someone quit drinking before they turned 21!?

It would have been a complete disservice to our children and community if I had become a teacher and was not able to fully devote myself to the job. I hope that everyone who is told, "well, you can always teach", stops and thinks first. Because teaching is not a 'fall back' career. It's not something that one should do because one can't find a job in an area of his or her interest. I have no idea when national teacher's week is, or if there is even such a week, maybe it is just lumped in with education month, but today, I salute the teachers in the Marianas and all over the world! Go on with your bad selves!

~~~

Harry, I didn't have the chance to ask to have permission to view your blog before you turned it private and I don't remember your email address that was posted on your blog. May I have permission?

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle...reuse

One way to reuse is to save your plastic or styrofoam cups, soup containers, coffee tins, yogurt and sour cream containers, etc. and reuse them as planters or as sprouters. You can even take your water/king car/gatorade bottles and cut off the tops to make planters too. Do this with your kids or students and have them decorate their planters.

And if you aren't interested in planting, you can save these items and give them to me. I'll happily fill them with dirt, stick a seedling in, and give them away to help make our island prettier.

By the way, I have some calamani seedlings if anyone is interested. (Boni, I'll swing by the school next week to drop some off.) Hopefully I'll have some more atis to give away soon.